There is always a Choice to Turn Back towards Restoration…

Posts tagged ‘hurt’

5. Declaration of The Commitment

“A man who won’t die for something is not fit to live” –  Martin Luther King, Jr.

Wedding_rings

It takes me back to times when I was searching for love, or someone whom I can relate with intimately, till I found the common solution for both the seeks.  As I approached different girls attracted by their beauty, or may be lust in my heart, I was rejected and all attempts failed over and over again. I was foolish. I didn’t even know what I was looking for, ‘Love’ ? If you had asked me at that time, “what is love ?”, I’m not sure if I was in a position to answer that then. If God had not intervened in time, I would have hurt a lots more women, and might have ended up violating them.trapped_in_the_world_of_Kafka_by_tape

There was a time I was emotionally involved with this woman in another country whom I shall leave unnamed. She was beautiful, emotionally sensitive, a simple girl, a broken family, father, a drinker. Whenever I approached her, she made excuses to not to relate with me, and told how unrealistic the relationship would be as both the countries are afar. But cleverly did I give her the calculations of the money involved in the conveyance, and showy I trapped her in, after which we skyped and had regular conversations. I knew I was doing something wrong, and I violated many values which I thought I’d never violate. I was in desperation of love, or what was it anyway? I was just going on the weight of emotions.

One fine Friday, she came on my messenger and told me those golden words “I love You”, to which I responded “What do you mean ?”. I’d no clue what was happening. My mind totally went blank. So after all these years, what I went after is something that I didn’t understand ? That day, I closed the conversation without a response and totally blank, and she, helpless. The next day, during a prayer meeting, I heard the voice “NO”, and I was clear it was about this relationship which I started on the wrong foundation, which was on emotions, evil, lust and lies. Then I said to myself “If it is from GOD, I will obey. Even if it’s not from GOD, I will obey it as if GOD’s will, He will bring it back.” And in half an hour the whole thing was dissolved. Of course she couldn’t handle it, and I as normal guys, I didn’t know what I just did or how to handle or didn’t care much about the girl. As the rest of what I did concerning that is irrelevant to this article, I’m leaving that out. This I’d say that, I asked her apology, and connected her with one of the matured married Christian lady friends in that country and encouraged her to be in touch. Now as I look back, I see that small obedience to the voice which I heard, was the beginning of a change in my life, forever. It was after this that I started my first blog on relationships.

We youngsters are and having been craving for love, many times not realizing what we are craving for. Love is nothing but a word, if there is no commitment. I’ve heard it, time and time again from people who are in relationship, the answer to my question “When are you getting married?” or “Are you sure that he/she is going to marry you ?”. The response was either negative or gray.

A promise must never be broken – Alexander Hamilton

Through the Word of GOD, and my experiences, I started to understanding the real meaning of Love. Love is not just a word, not just a feeling, not just an expression, but a commitment to continuous expression of interest and in intimacy life long , and to never let go, even if the sky falls down. The moment you and I say that “I am in love with you”, or “I love you”, you are entering and committing  to a relationship which is everlasting, else we are just playing with words & lying to self and others.

love-decision-commitmentUnfortunately, many don’t know this as this has not been received or experienced from their parents and the even parents might not have received this love. For this revelation only comes from GOD through the Bible. The moment you and I understand and experience the Committed, Never ending, Unconditional, Experiential, Never Failing, Resurrecting, and Restoring Love, we are revealed of a greater depth of understanding of what it means to Love others.

True Love casts out fear for True love expels the darkness. Many people say, “we both are in love, and it’s not required to get married. we can live together. ” Sadly, what they are actually saying is that “We want to keep our options open, We are  not sure if tomorrow’s mood and desire allows to like to like this man/woman. ” The naked truth is that, both wants to use each other for their own selfish pleasures and desires, nothing to do with Love.  If you are claiming to be in love, test your love and ‘tie the knot’. Don’t beat around the bush. And all this, do it in the presence of your people, so that there is no way out of it, no matter what, but there is help and advice when you need, in taking forward the relationship. That is committed True Love.

To man : If you claim to be in Love with a woman, show that you are man enough to hold her hand and with the assistance of your Old man, ask her parents for her hand. If they don’t allow, that’s a different story. We might talk about that later. But if you think you need more time for a commitment, then wait, respect the lady, respect her body, and for heaven sake don’t abuse her. You prove that you are a man by loving, respecting and protecting the lady you love. Don’t be a Chicken !!
 
To woman : If some guy claims that he is in love with you, don’t fall for it. Know who you are. Don’t let him take your emotions for granted. Draw the boundaries. If he is crossing the boundaries, believe me when I tell you this, ‘he will never respect you and your opinion for the rest of your lives’. Don’t let him touch your body before he declares in front of his parents/elders/mentors that you are his girl forever, and the ‘knot is tied’ & the ‘ring is exchanged’.  
 

Now, many of you think all that I’ve said is impossible unless a miracle happens. Then the rest of the article is for you and especially if you are a true follower of Jesus Christ.commitment1

The reason the Son of GOD, Jesus came to this earth as human, and died is because He loved us, He wanted to save us from sin.  In other words, GOD not only claimed that He loved us, He expressed it through Jesus Christ, His only Son. Jesus rose again on the third day, so that we will have a life and hope again. GOD in Himself is Love. GOD in Himself is expression of that Love, through action. And He wishes to ravished that love on us, and in us. Once you start receiving His Love, through the Word He has given us, you will see a whole new dimension to the Word LOVE. Further more, Jesus expects and commands you to love your partner like His love for us; unchanging, unconditional, committed, earth-shaking, history making, and even life-giving.

We now a days, we despise  and reject the counsel of the elders/mentors, and finally we end up in a real bad state. What I would suggest you is that, IF YOU KNOW, BELIEVE, and SEE that your mentor/elder is having a close walk with Jesus Christ or if they know who you are and if you have the freedom to be transparent with them, then share it with him/her, share your desire before presenting it to the man or woman, and take counsel. But before anything PRAY. None knows the future and the other person better that GOD Himself, who holds the time in His hands, and who know who is who, and how is who.

“You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist” – Indira Gandhi

May God Bless You !!
George
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4. The Unopened Gift Box

I’d like to share my thoughts on this topic. What I share could either offend you or change your life, depending on your heart’s condition. But no matter what, The Truth does not bend itself to satisfy the emotional contentment or personal feelings. In these days relativistic and post-modern philosophy, its high time that we raise our voices and stand for Absolute Truth and Absolute Realities in life so that we may prevent the up coming generations from suffering.

Love, Truth, Relationship, Purity, Holiness n’ Restoration are few things in life about which I’m passionate about. And i believe for any human being, deep within, these are the longings of the heart. When it comes to relationship, one of the things which we look forward to is that unique, exclusive, passionate, intimate, experience of sexual pleasure. We hardly find a couple who is not looking forward to this. And if they are not looking forward to it, well, they got issues. This is the gift in the box.

When you go to the mart to get a product, especially Electrical, Electronic or mechanical, we see a tape/sticker with a bold font “Don’t accept if the seal is broken”  or “If Seal is BrokenCheck Contents Before Accepting“. This tape/seal guarantees the quality of the product and it says that the product have not been tampered with. We find it secure and confident to go ahead and purchase the product. If the seal is broken, first of all, you would not find comfortable to proceed with the purchase because of the insecurity it creates in our mind. Ignorance to this detail, could lead to a number or problems, starting with getting a non-returnable damaged product’. I think you are smart enough to  narrow down to what i am coming to. However, let me take the extra step of detailing my thoughts.

Now, what I’m sharing here is not only restricted to sexuality, but also to emotions and mind. I’ve heard from my friends telling me that “I’ve been used by him/her”. In fact, I’d hurt a girl in the past, emotionally, and she had told me that “i feel used”. We both were in our vulnerable times. Then later, i got back to her with the help of another lady friend and spoke  to her, and my other friend by God’s help was able to help her out, and we now have a healthy friendly relationship. I’ve friends who have been abused in her childhood and who have been cheated by someone who once affirmed Love by words and sex but not by commitment. Later he married someone else. Later she found herself vulnerable to be in sexual intercourse with other men. We look around to find stories after stories in the similar lines.

The Best Gift, one can give to his/her partner is a self that is not tampered with. It’s more like receiving a sealed package with bill (evidence of commitment to the purchase). In her young age (late teens to 20’s), a woman would be at her peak of seeking for emotional fulfillment and
satisfaction, while for men, the sexual pleasure. In the pursuit of meeting up according to feelings, we end up in unhealthy risks of sexual and emotional involvement, in which over 90% of the relationships ends up in breakup after the involvement. This is because the foundation of the relationship was based on something that was shaky, “Emotions n’ Feelings”. They are never stable. And these breakups are usually, very painful, depressing, tormenting, devastating, and very destructive. Entering into a sexual relationship outside the covenant of marriage would be equivalent to buying a product without the bill. No proof, no security, risking life, no Love, but just feelings.

I’ve come to a conclusion that one who involves himself/herself in multiple sexual relationships is in an even worse condition than that of the people who end up in the Red light streets. At least, the women in the red light area realizes that their body has a value, while others do it, ignoring or nullifying the dignity, value, and significance of his/her body. Am i saying that prostitution is right? Absolutely not. I just took the other side of prostitution.

In the expression of feelings, surge of emotions, and pleasure of sex, outside marriage, we forget or ignore one important matter, The Next Generation. In Article: Love in Relationship, I’ve written something related to this. The child born outside of marriage (wedlock), is introduced to an insecure, broken, unsafe, isolated environment where there is the least expectancy for love, affirmation and acceptance, and the child grows up to be with the fundamental requirements such as Love, Acceptance, Affirmation, Identity, and Freedom missing in his/her life. As he/she grows up to be a man/woman, he/she looks outside the house for what he/she is lacking, and so being vulnerable no unlike his/her parents, and everything is back to square one. You can break this cycle if your family is caught up in this.

Talking about all these this, I’m no alien to these feelings. Many youngsters deal with it well with the help of their parents, and because of their upbringing. While  majority of the youngsters come from unstable, peaceless family environment. They look for comfort outside the family and tries to find satisfaction in opposite sex. I’m also from a broken family environment. It was hard for me. I wanted to be in a relationship real bad, and all crumbled down followed by disappointments, discouragements, frustrations, worries, sleepless nights, and a weak heart. It’s been 2-3 years now since my life started taking a turn towards restoration. Today, I stand to speak of what i went through which is the evidence of the restoration and healing in my life.

One of the Expressions of love is to wait and keep the purity of our body for that special person Within a Committed relationship. It could be a struggle in the beginning. But once we realize that the waiting is worth it, we will not compromise our purity no matter what. That’s what Love is all about. Do not be discouraged even if you have taken wrong turns in your life. Because there is always a turning back and healing and restoration.

One of the missions of my life is Restoration, which means THE BEST IS YET TO COME, provided we make the right choices. No matter how messed your life is, there is a way to restore it. I would suggest you to go through the article: Love in Relationship when you have time.

In My life, the Ultimate source of Restoration of my broken life is Jesus Christ. Introducing Him to you is the Best gift I can ever give you, out of Love

God Bless You

Love

 George, Ashrit Mathew

3. Motive behind the proposal…

“Intent, in the pursuit of truth, is prior to content, or to the availability of it. The love of truth and the willingness to submit to its demands is the first step.”-Ravi Zacharias.

In this article, my heart is that you would reason and ask yourself the questions. So I’m not here to give the answers as there are very personal and subjective.

Before getting into my thoughts, my heart pains and pushes my mind to recall my personal experiences, and stories of experiences of broken relationships and disappointments in marriages.  It is really painful yet interesting look into our own heart and ask myself  “WHY am i in this relationship, in the first place ?!” Of course, this is a very personal question. Another way of putting the same question would be “Why do i love her/him ?”. This might sound as rude as it is when we are in overwhelming emotions of the attraction to the other person. Few of my friends shared with me their stories and difficulties. And i discussed with them on the lines of the same question. I see it time and time again that, when one is already emotionally involved in an attraction/relationship, it is a battle for him/her to reason out this question. I’ve battled it. It was difficult. But there was a time i had to tell my heart “NO !” and give my mind its presence, for I was convinced of what i was about to do. So i see again the humility that difficult relational tensions impose on people, recommending them to ‘shut-up and listen’.

I  have heard recently a statement “Love is Blind, and Marriage is the Eye Opener”. As humorous as it may sound, it is a sad tragic fact from the pages of history to the very hour in which we are living. However, I disagree on the first part of the statement:”LOVE is Blind”. We as youngsters many times replace ‘Emotion’ with ‘Love’. If it is said “Emotions  are Blind, and Marriage is the Eye Opener”, i would more agree with the statement. Because as I mentioned before, in the weight of emotions we kick reason through the backdoor, not realizing that it’s wisdom which is on its way out.

My thoughts actually points out to few of my thoughts which i have already shared in my previous posts( Link1 , Link2 , Link3 ). Why is the reason that i would like to be in relationship ?!  And if I’m already in a relationship, “what do i like about her/him ?”

As I’m a guy, let me share thoughts from my eye view. As frank as i can be, Beauty n’ appearance is one of the main things that appeals to guys, which in turn moves to a sexual motive. But many times we make the mistake of grasping the face and missing the heart. I was emotionally involved with a girl who was beautiful in appearance. It was not only her appearance that attracted me to her, but also a desperate need from within for love and acceptance, and to someone to talk to. It took time for me to realize that there was much more to it. Midst the struggle of trying to maintain a stable relationship with her, few things caught my eye which caused me to rethink about whatever was going on. I came to realize that heart matters much more than the appearance of her. The manifestation of what was in her heart even through her simple gestures were not desirable nor attractive, at-least to me. During this time, God stepped into my life, filling my desperate need for love and acceptance through the person of Jesus Christ. As i was out of that emotional stranglehold, the grasses were much greener and i could see the pros and cons of that relationship. I’m not saying here that she was bad for I’m not a judge, but it was a revelation that we would never get along together well in the long run. Maybe she had a need to be fulfilled too. Maybe she was having in her own life struggles.

Currently, I’m growing in my relationship with God. I’m seeking more of Him so that when it’s time, I have more to share with my partner than to take/grab from her out of desperation. My heart that we would look at the Presence of God, beauty of the heart and appearance, yet the presence of mind, and the Wisdom of the elders as the starting point of a life together as man n’ woman, husband n’ wife.

Dear reader,


If you are a follower of Christ Jesus, I’d like to share a few more thoughts. If you are in desperation to be in a relationship with someone, I’d encourage you to look into your own life, your own heart. See what is missing. What is the cause of the desperation ? Is it some area in which you have not allowed Jesus to work in your life? Are you feeling empty ? Do you need
help ?! A partner can satisfy your needs only for a short time, if he/she too in desperation.  Is it what you want from your life ? But that’s Not what Jesus has called you for. Through Jesus you are the son of the Living God, through adoption (Eph 1), which makes God your Father. Ask Him, and He can and will fill you. Have a walk with God. Drink from Him. Live and Out of Him. Doesn’t matter how far you feel you are away from God. That’s the whole point. He is right there to meet you where you are. It’s just a matter of a turn, a U- Turn.

Regards

George, Ashrit Mathew

2. The Race in the Same Direction…

Do Not be Unequally Yoked

Says a manuscript written centuries ago. I wonder how many of us understand what this means. I feel that a village life would speak about this than our urban lives. They live mainly on agriculture or something very much related to nature. Let’s take a walk through the paddy fields of South India.

As we walk on the path made between the paddy fields, we notice that farmer, full of dirt on his body, wear just a cloth to cover his dignity, is trying to till the field with two bulls and the plough. We see that both the bulls are connected and steered together with the help of the plough. The part of wood which will be fixed on the bull would be yoke.  In this technique, it is very necessary that both bulls are equally sized. If unequal, the steering of the bulls become difficult, and the plough wouldn’t go in the  desired direction. It would also cause discomfort for the bulls.

This one of the most important matters in relationships which we ignore/miss when we enter into an emotional bondage of relationship calling it “in love”. Mainly because of this, many of the relationships ends up breaking up or in disappointment or frustration. To those who are not sure what I’m talking about, let me try to explain.

Each and every person is unique, special, precious, and different in their gifts and abilities. None can actually say that one is better than others, because everyone is an expert in their own gifting and specialties. All these unique gifts adds flavor to our passions and desires of what we would like to do in our lives. And God adds meaning to it all.

Let me tell you about my desires so that you might understand and be encouraged. From the time when I was a kid, I loved music and I used to sing, but even sweeter than now :).I loved playing with electronic devices and components too. Since my teens, I started having passion towards computers, and now into Philosophy, Art, and Theology. Still I have the passions and desires as mentioned above. So the work I’m doing right now and the things that I do, even this very article is pleasure and a joy for me, because it all out of my own desires. Thank God for my mother who is an encourager and who gave me the freedom to pursue my legitimate passions and desires.

If I start being in relationship with a lady who has nothing to do with my desires or my convictions, the obvious result would be: Either of us might compromise/suppress their desire for others ending up in a hidden suffocation, or it could lead to selfish pursuit of own desires/dreams in opposite/different directions ending up in a broken family/distant relationship, or it would cause high friction between us leading to disappointment, uneasiness, frustration, blaming, judging and finally breaking up.

I’m not going to tell you what girl am I looking for. 🙂 That is not the intent of this content.

It is true that none will have same exact gifts, but if both knows the meaning life, and if both have a common destiny and purpose, things could be more easier, merrier and better. If two people are running towards the same goal in the same direction, in their own flavor, both could help and encourage each other to move on.

Dear reader, if you are a follower of Christ Jesus, and if you have a desires to to more of Him, this article would make more sense to you than any other person from a different  worldview/religion. The moment you allow Jesus into your heart, what Jesus gives you is a fresh, new perspective of life itself. He defines it so clearly that you will stand in awe. What Jesus give you is not just an Eternal Perspective of things, but also the authority in His name to do greater things than anyone who doesn’t know Him. When God says not to be yoked with an unbeliever, He means it for our good and to preserve holiness in our life. A partner who doesn’t know Jesus can destroy all the plans what God has for you in this life. He/she can take you away from Jesus too. If you are in such a relationship, trust God and break it and throw it away. Never look back. I know it could difficult. Because I’ve been through it and I’ve done it by God’s grace. Let God bring people together by His Guidance, not by our Mistakes. If you need to speak to me, you could let me know. But if you are committed and married out of ignorance, never loose hope, God is a God who forgives and restores. Hold on to Him. He will help you out.

1. Truth with Grace

This post could be a bit heavy for some of you, but I would request you to take time to read it carefully and try to understand what it’s all about as it is extremely important to make the connection between love and truth. Truth is something which we have forgotten about, because of which we are where we are, almost at the verge of self-destruction of the entire human race. This could save you from the trouble. And by the way, “To all the sick lovers who lick the carpet for your girlfriends, “Grow up”- unknown”

Let me start with the Quote from approx. 2000 years ago said by a person called Jesus.

“Everyone on the side of truth listens to me”

I won’t tell you the same thing for I’m not Him nor am I worthy to be in His shoes nor worthy even to untie His sandal strap. But there is something important in this statement.

People who are only in the side of the truth listen to it. One who hates the truth does not have love in him. One who says that he loves, but no truth has no love at allAnd finally, one who has no love tries to destroy the truth, or anything/anyone that is claimed to be true. But truth does not depend on the mood of the day, or from which side of the bed you woke up, or even on the black cat that crossed the road when you got out of your house. Whether you are drunk or frustrated or even dead, the sun still rises in the east and sets in the west.

Many of the things that I am going to share here and in the coming posts are not much on the weight of emotions, even though emotions have a role in Love and relationship. It could be a bit rigid and firm but with a beauty of itself.

 There are many things that we do in our young days when our blood is hot and running wild. And there are many things of which we are not that proud off to be talked about in the public. Especially to do with sex, drugs, alcohol, or sometimes even smoking. We men enter into relationship and use women for their selfish gain and please our sexual drive. It could go from women’s magazines, pornographic, movies, chats, and even to the extent of intercourse. I know of my friend in my college who said was in love with one of my dear friend whom I considered my little sister. Well, soon after the college, the boy went his way breaking her innocent simple heart. Girls could get into relationship and so emotionally involved that finally, they would compromise their virginity in the surge of emotions and what to them looked like feeling of love till later. No sooner will the man does his thing, he shakes the dust of his shirt, and vanish from her life forever. One of my friends is a victim of such injustice. The life which she lives is hard, and she finds it difficult to move on. Adding to all these are many other family issues, emotional issues, and even mental/psychological issues. Finally, when we like a girl, we present our best before her, hiding all these under the carpet so that our image is not spoiled, and we will not lose the girl or the boy. The true life is no more in the air, but under a mask that fakes everything.

Truth will not bend or break, but can only be hidden. But here is the interesting thing about truth. Truth and History are always in love. They are so close to each other. History brings the truth out into light anyway. No matter how hard we try to hide things, it will all come to light one day, but that day would be more painful and destructive. If you testify and confess the truth yourself, it is well and good. It stays private and you will feel secure and not much people will know. And even if they know, at least they know that you are not faking yourself, which would gain you respect and honor. But if you allow the history to do it for you, it is more of an effect of you being forced to walk on the street full of people, completely naked or like history given a microphone and a loud speaker.

Here is the point. If the man is truthful, it is well and good for him. He doesn’t have to worry about a thing. He is respected and History shouts his fame across the pages. But when a man hides issues or certain truths, he better be very careful. History reveals the truth; it will be like a fish torn stuck in his throat for his entire life. It eats him up. Something similar happened to the Satyam system’s Ramalinga Raju and he finally he said “It was like riding a tiger, not knowing how to get off without being eaten.”. If you don’t know about the story, to read about it later, click here.

Lack a truth was never the issue. It was our hatred towards it because of our pride. Truth makes us Transparent and we feel weak. We feel we will be destroyed if we speak the truth. But here is the truth about the truth. Being truthful is amazing. It is glorious display courage when truth triumphs by your choice. It shows how strong you are from the inside. The more truthful you are, the less vulnerable you are to the voices against you. Bring truthful brings that being of selflessness. It humbles you. It keeps you safe and sound for the future. It gives you respect and honor. The ultimate result of being truthful and being on the side of truth is Freedom. Know the truth and ‘the truth’ shall set you free. 

Many of you must be thinking, “If I tell her/him the truth, “that will be it”. The relationship will be over”. I understand and respect that feeling, but the fact is this that it will happen anyway, and the truth will be out anyway, the question remains how and when you would like the truth to be revealed. The sooner, better it is for you and the other person. If your partner/would-be is leaving you for you being truthful, the relationship is not worth it. If he/she leaves you, you must enjoy, because you have better opportunity than the other person. One, who can’t stand truth, has no love either.

The reason why I mentioned about the mistakes/issue which we make and go through are not to condemn anyone, nor to judge what is right and what is wrong, even though objective morality exists, but to help you relax and let you know that these are real issues and nobody is an exception for such things in life. The only difference is in the degree to which we do what we  choose to do. There are ways in which we avoid these issues too, but as it is will divert from the topic, we won’t be discussing it here. I too have struggles and face difficulties. The interesting thing is that the other person, in my case a girl, will also have a story of her own to tell, about her difficulties, weakness, and mistakes. At that point, what I do with it is very important.

Truth as it is can many times be very destructive and offensive, as it is the character of the truth that it is exclusive and it disagrees with everything else but itself, without any compromise or feeling. Here is when grace makes the entry to the stage. Grace in expression is to relate with the person no matter who, to understand with patience no matter how long, to forgive no matter what, and to be with the person through it all no matter how. So when my would be (not girlfriend) of whom I know nothing about as of now, shares with me about her life, I better show her some respect and give her the grace to listen to her as she is showing immense about courage to tell the truth trusting me and hoping that I would be with her. So would be better for both of us, for her to respond the same way when I speak the truth about my life.

Dear reader, if you are a follower of Christ Jesus, you have the opportunity to get connected directly with the grace of the Only Living Working God. If you allow Jesus to transform you, you will be truthful in everything you do when you walk with Him and He transforms your heart from within. As I mentioned, being truthful shows the condition of the heart and how strong you are inside. Since Jesus is in your heart, you will be the strongest to proclaim the truth. And showing grace would be a piece of cake as Jesus is not just Truth in Person, but also Love in Person. Hold on tight, wait for more…

Absence of Girlfriends.. Presence of Love… The Intro

The Intro

Basically, the title is so because the writer is a man. It is chosen as revealed, and i took my time to think on it. After i was convinced about it, it was published. Why is it that Love and talks on love only heard in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and after marriage, nothing ? Is love restricted only in the presence of a girlfriend ?

The reason/inspiration for this article(s) is and will be hidden under the pages of stories of my life, where girls were hurt and had shed tears because of  me and my actions and the tears in my eyes out of the desperation to be loved and accepted. Yet again are the stories of my friends, girls and boys, who have hurt themselves, by beginning with the wrong choices in relationship, ending up with the realization of the wrong, and ultimately breaking up from it, with a release of  frustration, disappointment, hatred, sense of betrayal, injustice, and with a huge amount of emotional pain and hurts, scaring those memories into theirs souls which would remain in their lives as long as they live, unless Sovereign Intervention.

One of the words which I dearly hold onto in my life is “Restore”. This is what God through Jesus did in my life and is doing in my life in areas of my life and this is for which I would love to used for, by Him.  A closer related word to “Restore” is “Repair”. Let’s take the case of a building. It is always recommended, is in fact the  responsibility of the architect to build a firm foundation before the building itself. But places like in India, things doesn’t happen that way. Many of us bribe the architect so that the work picks up speed even though compromising on quality. And the result? One fine day everything falls down. Note that, it’s not only the builder or the people who are inside are affected, but the people around it too. The 9/11 attack on the Twin tower affected everybody, both in and out. It’s the same in relationships. Many times we might have started building on the wrong, unleveled, shaking foundations. But it’s better to re-do it before continuing with the building and before staying in it. If ignored, the end result would be disastrous and painful, both for you and for others. Please note that laying the foundations will take time, but it will be firm and its worth it.

Remain, Restore, or Reconstruct: Which one do you choose ?

At first, I thought that I could just write a long article and complete it, till realized that the topic is way huge to even be  completed in a ten thousand page book. So whatever I share is just a tip of the ice-berg and it will be in a series of 7 posts and the final post with conclusion. I’ll discover with you few main aspects of relationships and what Love is  and what Love is not. My prayer is that by the end of this article series, we will be able to evaluate our relationship(s) or the relationship(s) into which we are going to enter, and make the right choices. Don’t step into the house until you make sure that the foundation doesn’t shake or the roof doesn’t fall on you.

The following will be the topics.

1. Truth with Grace..
2. The Race in the Same Direction on the Same Track…
3. Motive behind the proposal…
4. The Unopened Gift Box
5. Beginning of Commitment with declaration…
6. Expression through Selflessness…
7. Explosion of Expression…

And finally the conclusion.

I’ll try to write on each in a gap of 1-3 days, as i have to wait and think as I have a responsibility at hand to the reader.

After all, you are responsible for your life and up to certain extend, the life of whom you are involved with.

ps: To the married people: If these articles speaks to you, well and good. Please don’t let anything break up the relationship you have your spouse. Once the choice is made, that’s it, no matter what differences or difficulties. But there is still grace which could restore and re-new the relationship. If you are one of them, I could try to help you get connected to my mentor or someone who can help you in a better way.

The Problem of Loneliness

Even though i got the heading typed in last week, i didn’t take time to scribe what i had in mind. Finally, here it is…

In my early school years, I remember walking through the school grounds on the way to school, looking down, yet blurry in my vision because of the tears in my eyes, which I refused to let roll out of eyes, and talking to myself, and most importantly, alone. I again remember the times i used to spend my time on vacations at home with my cousins and with my brothers, still in my own world, fighting my own battles from within. From those days, it still haunted me all the way through college and it became worse. I started doing everything of my own. Less are the days i remember going out with friends, and many times physically with them,  but my soul was somewhere. By the end of the college i became a person who hated myself, who hates my picture, and who believed that “i was born to suffer, alone”. As the years passed things changed, I would add “Drastically changed”. To something better. I pray and i hope that whatever i write, relates to our normal life, and speaks to your life and me too.

One way to explain  loneliness would be, being locked up in a solitary confinement  for a very long time, without much ray of light or hope, and being unable to get out because you are locked from outside, so much so that you start believing that this is all there is to life, and you get so used to the confined system that you force yourself to satisfy yourself, even though the inner self yearns for freedom. Freedom looks like a distant dream. All what you hear around is nothing, but silence which would seem like it would also                          have a tone and a rhythm to it. 

something(someone)’s missing… I find this phrase very apt to the meaning of loneliness. I struggled with this, for long years in my early young years, now that you know that I’m still young. In my earlier blog, I’d explained about the lack of love I felt in my growing up years. Loneliness was another close friend of mine. Was i lacking love or someone who can loveDid I just want a person or did I just want a feeling of love? NO! I needed both…. I needed both… As I found none to give that love, I found myself alone, desperate, sometimes frustrated and angry at self, and looking to the heavens asking “WHY?”. As I became sexually active, I started looking out for that someone, yet in the expression of desperation, my proposals were not the best in

expression I would say, I was not myself, I was nobody. It was all rejected or ignored. That dragged me even deeper into difficult times ahead. More time alone, more time pleasing myself, more time, crying in silence. Nobody knew, nobody knew, even though my mother knew that something was not right, that was all there was which I would let her know. By the early days of 2007, I became the most silent, isolated person who could never look a woman in her eye without an immoral, sexual thought going in my head. I didn’t struggle against it even though it was wrong. At least in that way I pleased myself, not realizing that I was destroying myself. I wouldn’t say that I was the best to tackle with loneliness. Yet as years passed by, I started seeing another side of loneliness.

Attention.. The times alone tweaked and twisted my thinking and perspectives through which i looked at my life and at situations around me. Same with anyone. Loneliness has a lot to do with negative emotions and frustrations which poison the mind and make the heart wicked. In that pursuit of being accepted and being someone, we see doing things completely out of the ordinary. Bullies in schools and colleges are a result of this. Rejection at home or loneliness which is hunting him/her. It is the negative extrovert response to fight and to make sure that he/she is not alone. Sometimes we put ornaments or makeups or piercing or even to the extend of allowing others to  violate their bodies/privacy. But when we draw ourselves from the crowd and become alone, we will feel emptiness and we still feel something is missing and we try to figure it out in our loneliness like written above, like a cycle.

As i was writing this blog, i came across the lyrics of a song of which i shall leave the artist unnamed

What the h* am I doing? Is there anyone left in my life?
What the f* was I thinking? Anybody want to tell me I’m fine?
Where the h* am I going? Do I even need a reason to hide?
I am only betrayed! I am only conditioned to die!

All this kind of music, stirs the pain and struggle again and makes it worse than giving a remedy.

In my life along the way, I started being involved in disgusting sexual chat sessions and nude materials. i started doing different things, different styles,attitudes, or even movements to receive attention, ultimately trying to find a remedy to loneliness. Facebook or even this blog could be one, but in the darkest times of my life, the Brightest Light shined and Screamed into my life with intensity overthrowing darkness and even death. That LIGHT helped me and it is because of Which, because of Whom I’m able to share with you even my difficulties and struggles boldly and confess “THERE IS A HOPE”.

The loneliest moment in life is when you have just experienced that which you thought would deliver the ultimate, and it has just let you down. – Ravi Zacharias.

This very much stays true in my life when i look back. Very often I quote Ravi for many times what he speaks relate with many parts of my life. In his book from “Walking from East to West“, he shares the personal struggles which he went through and the rescue plan in his life by Someone.

Life as we know it, is temporary. So is everything else around us. At some point of time, either it leaves us or we go leaving it behind. In this small time, do we have to struggle with loneliness and seek attention anymore, when there is Someone with whom we will NEVER BE ALONE, not only for this life, but for the life after, for all eternity. I don’t know what you think about GOD or what have others told you about Him. He is real in my life. He started working in my life evidently and visibly in the last few years. And when i look back i see that He was preparing me through all the difficult times i went through for something better, for something greater. Jesus who was and is God came to earth 2000 years ago in bodily form, lived as a human, went through the experiences of all the experiences in its highest intensity and finally did died the most cruel and bloody death in the entire human history. He knew what was it to be left alone in pain and suffering. And on the third day HE ROSE AGAIN from the grave, CONQUERING EVERYTHING NEGATIVE, even DEATH. HE was saying that  I AM WITH YOU FOREVER, EVEN DEATH CANNOT SEPARATE US. This crazy God who is full of love, changed my life for ever. 

My dear Friend, Jesus says “I will never leave you nor forsake you. . . And I will NOT leave you as orphans”. The things that i did and on which I tried to find comfort passed away. Whether may it be relationship, materials, comfort, property, or even my very body. But in a strong healthy family one thing always remains, no matter what. RELATIONSHIP. Yet even that is temporary in today’s world, except with One person. Jesus Christ. He loves you so much that He died for you and came back to life so that He can be in a relationship with you making sure that You are NEVER ALONE….

The more i spend time alone with God, the more I realize that I am NEVER alone. So kicks out the necessity of anything else, so excludes the necessity of drawing attention, so renews to capacity and ability to be yourself where ever you are.

ONLY WHEN WE LOOK TO GOD AND THROUGH GOD, OUR LIFE WITH SUFFERINGS WILL MAKES SENSE !

Yours
Love
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