There is always a Choice to Turn Back towards Restoration…

Posts tagged ‘attention’

A Beauty Beyond the Face ..

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“No matter how plain a woman may be, if truth and honesty are written across her face, she will be beautiful.”― Eleanor Roosevelt

The first time someone caught my attention was when i was in the 5th grade. She was fair and beautiful. I longed to be with her but my self-esteem hold me back. I remember many a Saturdays riding my bicycle to her house over 20 kilometers away and just wait on the other side of her house behind the bushes to have a glance of that beautiful face. Not many times have i done that. Why would one drive all the way  when he can meet her every day when there is school ? 🙂 i purused her, silently. And i boasted about my unending love for her, yet the pain of no response and insult from my friends for being a fool. It’s been over 15 years now, still my eyes look for beauty, i cannot take it out. It is a part of me. I would be a hypocrite to say that i do not look at beautiful women. However, in the last 2-3 years, a lot have changed in what beauty means to me.

Every man seeks for the beauty and every woman seeks for that care and protection. I will be looking into the beauty part of it as of now. It was, is and always will be the driving of man for beauty and the pleasure of enjoying the beauty and making it own. One of the properties of Truth is that it is consistent and constant as the time goes by. it may build up and get better, but never contradict nor fade away. Which means that whatever  we claim to be True, whether may it be True Beauty, True Love, True peace, True Joy, True Life, or True ‘anything’, it Has to be consistent. The physical Beauty of a woman maybe instantly captivating, yet as the age goes by it is fading. Then what is in her that makes her worth captivating ?

The ‘Old Living Book’ says “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”. So the real beauty is beyond what is instantly seen or pleasured. One of the reasons whyBeauty and Character relationships break down is because of men fails to see the beauty beyond what the eyes can see, and their eyes are still in their pursuit of satisfying that appetite for fresh instantly pleasing beauty. Finally, it opens doors for multiple partners and relationships outside marriage.

The man who is captivated the character of his woman (singular), is the one going to be forever in True Love with her, for as the years passes by her character becomes finer, and she becomes the most beautiful woman in the whole world, for he know her beyond what his eyes meet. All being easy to write and say, Yet the question remains … HOW ?

The Bible says “God looks at the heart”, and everything comes from the heart according to the condition of the heart. Only God can transform our hearts, and it is our privilege to ask God to look into our heart and help us change it into something worth His glory.

Men, Look to God, He is your God and source of Unlimited Love. Take charge and be responsible steward of what is given to you. Tame your passions. Let Him transform our heart and character which would enable us to see beyond what our eyes can see. Look at the character of  the woman, love her, protect her, respect her. And when the time comes in mono committed relational privacy, secure her in your love and protection till the time ends.,.

Dignity_graphic

Woman, Look to God, He is your First Love, and the source of Unlimited Love, Security and protection. Let your beauty reflect that of Christ which makes you responsible for how you take care of yourself. Carry yourself with dignity. Allow God to work in your character so that you may find the will of God, His Holy will, and the man who will lead you in the adventure of  Pursuing the Greater Purposes of God. .

The Problem of Loneliness

Even though i got the heading typed in last week, i didn’t take time to scribe what i had in mind. Finally, here it is…

In my early school years, I remember walking through the school grounds on the way to school, looking down, yet blurry in my vision because of the tears in my eyes, which I refused to let roll out of eyes, and talking to myself, and most importantly, alone. I again remember the times i used to spend my time on vacations at home with my cousins and with my brothers, still in my own world, fighting my own battles from within. From those days, it still haunted me all the way through college and it became worse. I started doing everything of my own. Less are the days i remember going out with friends, and many times physically with them,  but my soul was somewhere. By the end of the college i became a person who hated myself, who hates my picture, and who believed that “i was born to suffer, alone”. As the years passed things changed, I would add “Drastically changed”. To something better. I pray and i hope that whatever i write, relates to our normal life, and speaks to your life and me too.

One way to explain  loneliness would be, being locked up in a solitary confinement  for a very long time, without much ray of light or hope, and being unable to get out because you are locked from outside, so much so that you start believing that this is all there is to life, and you get so used to the confined system that you force yourself to satisfy yourself, even though the inner self yearns for freedom. Freedom looks like a distant dream. All what you hear around is nothing, but silence which would seem like it would also                          have a tone and a rhythm to it. 

something(someone)’s missing… I find this phrase very apt to the meaning of loneliness. I struggled with this, for long years in my early young years, now that you know that I’m still young. In my earlier blog, I’d explained about the lack of love I felt in my growing up years. Loneliness was another close friend of mine. Was i lacking love or someone who can loveDid I just want a person or did I just want a feeling of love? NO! I needed both…. I needed both… As I found none to give that love, I found myself alone, desperate, sometimes frustrated and angry at self, and looking to the heavens asking “WHY?”. As I became sexually active, I started looking out for that someone, yet in the expression of desperation, my proposals were not the best in

expression I would say, I was not myself, I was nobody. It was all rejected or ignored. That dragged me even deeper into difficult times ahead. More time alone, more time pleasing myself, more time, crying in silence. Nobody knew, nobody knew, even though my mother knew that something was not right, that was all there was which I would let her know. By the early days of 2007, I became the most silent, isolated person who could never look a woman in her eye without an immoral, sexual thought going in my head. I didn’t struggle against it even though it was wrong. At least in that way I pleased myself, not realizing that I was destroying myself. I wouldn’t say that I was the best to tackle with loneliness. Yet as years passed by, I started seeing another side of loneliness.

Attention.. The times alone tweaked and twisted my thinking and perspectives through which i looked at my life and at situations around me. Same with anyone. Loneliness has a lot to do with negative emotions and frustrations which poison the mind and make the heart wicked. In that pursuit of being accepted and being someone, we see doing things completely out of the ordinary. Bullies in schools and colleges are a result of this. Rejection at home or loneliness which is hunting him/her. It is the negative extrovert response to fight and to make sure that he/she is not alone. Sometimes we put ornaments or makeups or piercing or even to the extend of allowing others to  violate their bodies/privacy. But when we draw ourselves from the crowd and become alone, we will feel emptiness and we still feel something is missing and we try to figure it out in our loneliness like written above, like a cycle.

As i was writing this blog, i came across the lyrics of a song of which i shall leave the artist unnamed

What the h* am I doing? Is there anyone left in my life?
What the f* was I thinking? Anybody want to tell me I’m fine?
Where the h* am I going? Do I even need a reason to hide?
I am only betrayed! I am only conditioned to die!

All this kind of music, stirs the pain and struggle again and makes it worse than giving a remedy.

In my life along the way, I started being involved in disgusting sexual chat sessions and nude materials. i started doing different things, different styles,attitudes, or even movements to receive attention, ultimately trying to find a remedy to loneliness. Facebook or even this blog could be one, but in the darkest times of my life, the Brightest Light shined and Screamed into my life with intensity overthrowing darkness and even death. That LIGHT helped me and it is because of Which, because of Whom I’m able to share with you even my difficulties and struggles boldly and confess “THERE IS A HOPE”.

The loneliest moment in life is when you have just experienced that which you thought would deliver the ultimate, and it has just let you down. – Ravi Zacharias.

This very much stays true in my life when i look back. Very often I quote Ravi for many times what he speaks relate with many parts of my life. In his book from “Walking from East to West“, he shares the personal struggles which he went through and the rescue plan in his life by Someone.

Life as we know it, is temporary. So is everything else around us. At some point of time, either it leaves us or we go leaving it behind. In this small time, do we have to struggle with loneliness and seek attention anymore, when there is Someone with whom we will NEVER BE ALONE, not only for this life, but for the life after, for all eternity. I don’t know what you think about GOD or what have others told you about Him. He is real in my life. He started working in my life evidently and visibly in the last few years. And when i look back i see that He was preparing me through all the difficult times i went through for something better, for something greater. Jesus who was and is God came to earth 2000 years ago in bodily form, lived as a human, went through the experiences of all the experiences in its highest intensity and finally did died the most cruel and bloody death in the entire human history. He knew what was it to be left alone in pain and suffering. And on the third day HE ROSE AGAIN from the grave, CONQUERING EVERYTHING NEGATIVE, even DEATH. HE was saying that  I AM WITH YOU FOREVER, EVEN DEATH CANNOT SEPARATE US. This crazy God who is full of love, changed my life for ever. 

My dear Friend, Jesus says “I will never leave you nor forsake you. . . And I will NOT leave you as orphans”. The things that i did and on which I tried to find comfort passed away. Whether may it be relationship, materials, comfort, property, or even my very body. But in a strong healthy family one thing always remains, no matter what. RELATIONSHIP. Yet even that is temporary in today’s world, except with One person. Jesus Christ. He loves you so much that He died for you and came back to life so that He can be in a relationship with you making sure that You are NEVER ALONE….

The more i spend time alone with God, the more I realize that I am NEVER alone. So kicks out the necessity of anything else, so excludes the necessity of drawing attention, so renews to capacity and ability to be yourself where ever you are.

ONLY WHEN WE LOOK TO GOD AND THROUGH GOD, OUR LIFE WITH SUFFERINGS WILL MAKES SENSE !

Yours
Love
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