The Word LOVE, have become the MOST commonly used language in the 21st century. As we look around, we see either the word, or the expression or a result of it or the lack of it . Whether it is Music, Movies, Paintings, News, Entertainment, Advertisements, Family, Spiritual Teachings, Internet, and lot more…
But I wonder if Love has lost it’s meaning and the intensity of the expression of it as the days go by. The inspiration for me to write this article is from one of my friends when she said “I don’t want to be in a relationship. Because in relationship there is either controlling or insane “. This is my response to it.
It’s so common to hear the statements “I’m in Love”, “I’m in relationship”, “it’s magic” on the other end, “it’s Over”, “I Quit”, “We Broke-up “, “I was married, but now divorced..” and so on. In the yesterdays, relationships used to break down too, but was more private and secretive.. Well, not anymore. In fact, there is more broken relationships in public, than ever in history.
Now, do i have authority to speak on this subject ? Well, i really don’t know, but i had enough experience in my plate to go through starting from family (not in my marriage life. cuz i ain’t), to friendship, to relationship.
In my experience since late 2011, Love has been a wonderful thing to me. And it blew my mind whenever i experienced it. I Believe in God and I believe that He is the source of everything, Especially LOVE. So the commonly used phrase “GOD IS LOVE” yet “LOVE is NOT GOD”.
I believe the best way of identifying the lies is by knowing and by being convinced of what [who] is the truth. And when we talk about Absolutes like Truth, we need a Being who is Absolute in Himself, in Whom the truth is based, from Whom it flows, and by Whom it is defined and expressed.
I could never get a better definition of LOVE than from the Word of God, Himself (in person).
…Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails… [1 Corinthians 13:4-8]
Just pause here for a couple of minutes and think think about it. The more we think about it, the more we realize the depth of the statement. And what more, it says something about the heart from Whom these Words came from.
If my father draws a line and tells me to walk only on it by forcing me, i wouldn’t call it Love, i would call it controlling, which makes me Frustrating and Angry and my response, Repulsive. BUT, if he draws the line and tell me, “my dear son, I love you, and I’ve drawn this line for you out of love. i recommend you walk in it for it’s betterfor you and for your own safety[law]. yet still, even of you go out of the line and when you realize that you’ve taken the wrong path, just look to me and i’ll bring you back to the line so that you can be back on the safe path again[GRACE], for i want you to be safe because i’m your Father”.
Even in a (marital) relationship, with a man and a woman, Love does not control, but frees. If there is control, then something is wrong. Control is a result of a lack of something within, may it be insecurity, lack of identity or even love itself. Of course there are more reasons. That’s why i always question myself before i feel like getting into a relationship “Why do i want to be in a relationship in the first place?”, “What is my intention?”. Because in relationship, it’s not about just me, it’s about the other..
One evening as i was walking and talking with my close friend through the streets of Chennai, and the topic was relationship. And i said “i think i need to reason carefully before i get into a relationship. This is my learning from the past.” and he said “Dude, that’s what love is all about. You don’t reason. You are just in it.” to which i maintained silence. Reason ? Because he is “just in it“. There is no point in reasoning further..
I’m sure this is the exact thought that is going through thousands of youngsters, of which i was one. I felt the same, compromising my convictions, values, and the truth that i knew is/was true, and giving way to feelings and emotions. One of the famous thinkers of our time Dr. Ravi Zacharias would agree with this “A mood can be a dangerous state of mind, because it can crush reason under the weight of feeling.“[ taken from Ravi’s book, “Jesus Among Other Gods”] again he says “We are fashioned by God to be thinking and emotional creatures. The emotions should follow reason, and not the other way around.” [ taken from Ravi’s book, “Beyond Opinion”]. I believe it is so true, and it had been true in my life, especially in the last 4 years.
I would personally believe that few main reasons for difficulties in relationships are “Entering into a Relationship on the weight of emotions and blissful romance”, “Lack of Commitment”, “Lack of Communication/expression”.
For a man, the beauty of the woman, captures and draws his attention, and he does whatever he could to “rescue the beauty“. This is natural, and if this doesn’t happen, he needs a doctor. But in this pursuit, he pushes the thoughts and values that goes against his feeling and desire, aside and make his entry to her life in marriage. As the days goes by he will start seeing her as she is and in reality. No one wears makeup before going to bed, except in movies and in advertisements. So will she starts seeing him more closely. Soon will they realize that they are not as easy to get along with as they thought. Both are different. And finally they breakup, involving lot of hurt, pain, and excessive pain leading to numbness to emotions. And then they end up reasoning “what went wrong in the first place ?” and to another extend “Where are you God? Why did You allow this ?”.
No wonder, thousands of youngsters like me goes through “Love failure” experiences. I’ve learned the lesson the hard way. Start thinking.. If there is someone whom you can step into a relationship without much reasoning, that is GOD, through the person of Jesus Christ. Yet, GOD encourages us to reason even in that relationship. God didn’t create our mind for fun, but to use it.
To my dear friends who has already gone through such experiences or is going through the same, there is One and only One remedy available to mankind. Jesus Christ. He died so that we will live, our mistakes will be undone, our pains and hurts will be healed, our failures will turn into glory and for the Good.
I just thank God for where He has brought me to. I worship God at River of Destiny City Church, Chennai. This is a place for the broken, rejected, abused, used, failed, and the dead. Yet it’s not about the Church, it’s about WHOM we profess.