“Intent, in the pursuit of truth, is prior to content, or to the availability of it. The love of truth and the willingness to submit to its demands is the first step.”-Ravi Zacharias.
In this article, my heart is that you would reason and ask yourself the questions. So I’m not here to give the answers as there are very personal and subjective.
Before getting into my thoughts, my heart pains and pushes my mind to recall my personal experiences, and stories of experiences of broken relationships and disappointments in marriages. It is really painful yet interesting look into our own heart and ask myself “WHY am i in this relationship, in the first place ?!” Of course, this is a very personal question. Another way of putting the same question would be “Why do i love her/him ?”. This might sound as rude as it is when we are in overwhelming emotions of the attraction to the other person. Few of my friends shared with me their stories and difficulties. And i discussed with them on the lines of the same question. I see it time and time again that, when one is already emotionally involved in an attraction/relationship, it is a battle for him/her to reason out this question. I’ve battled it. It was difficult. But there was a time i had to tell my heart “NO !” and give my mind its presence, for I was convinced of what i was about to do. So i see again the humility that difficult relational tensions impose on people, recommending them to ‘shut-up and listen’.
I have heard recently a statement “Love is Blind, and Marriage is the Eye Opener”. As humorous as it may sound, it is a sad tragic fact from the pages of history to the very hour in which we are living. However, I disagree on the first part of the statement:”LOVE is Blind”. We as youngsters many times replace ‘Emotion’ with ‘Love’. If it is said “Emotions are Blind, and Marriage is the Eye Opener”, i would more agree with the statement. Because as I mentioned before, in the weight of emotions we kick reason through the backdoor, not realizing that it’s wisdom which is on its way out.
My thoughts actually points out to few of my thoughts which i have already shared in my previous posts( Link1 , Link2 , Link3 ). Why is the reason that i would like to be in relationship ?! And if I’m already in a relationship, “what do i like about her/him ?”
As I’m a guy, let me share thoughts from my eye view. As frank as i can be, Beauty n’ appearance is one of the main things that appeals to guys, which in turn moves to a sexual motive. But many times we make the mistake of grasping the face and missing the heart. I was emotionally involved with a girl who was beautiful in appearance. It was not only her appearance that attracted me to her, but also a desperate need from within for love and acceptance, and to someone to talk to. It took time for me to realize that there was much more to it. Midst the struggle of trying to maintain a stable relationship with her, few things caught my eye which caused me to rethink about whatever was going on. I came to realize that heart matters much more than the appearance of her. The manifestation of what was in her heart even through her simple gestures were not desirable nor attractive, at-least to me. During this time, God stepped into my life, filling my desperate need for love and acceptance through the person of Jesus Christ. As i was out of that emotional stranglehold, the grasses were much greener and i could see the pros and cons of that relationship. I’m not saying here that she was bad for I’m not a judge, but it was a revelation that we would never get along together well in the long run. Maybe she had a need to be fulfilled too. Maybe she was having in her own life struggles.
Currently, I’m growing in my relationship with God. I’m seeking more of Him so that when it’s time, I have more to share with my partner than to take/grab from her out of desperation. My heart that we would look at the Presence of God, beauty of the heart and appearance, yet the presence of mind, and the Wisdom of the elders as the starting point of a life together as man n’ woman, husband n’ wife.
If you are a follower of Christ Jesus, I’d like to share a few more thoughts. If you are in desperation to be in a relationship with someone, I’d encourage you to look into your own life, your own heart. See what is missing. What is the cause of the desperation ? Is it some area in which you have not allowed Jesus to work in your life? Are you feeling empty ? Do you need
help ?! A partner can satisfy your needs only for a short time, if he/she too in desperation. Is it what you want from your life ? But that’s Not what Jesus has called you for. Through Jesus you are the son of the Living God, through adoption (Eph 1), which makes God your Father. Ask Him, and He can and will fill you. Have a walk with God. Drink from Him. Live and Out of Him. Doesn’t matter how far you feel you are away from God. That’s the whole point. He is right there to meet you where you are. It’s just a matter of a turn, a U- Turn.
George, Ashrit Mathew