There is always a Choice to Turn Back towards Restoration…

Archive for May, 2012

1. Truth with Grace

This post could be a bit heavy for some of you, but I would request you to take time to read it carefully and try to understand what it’s all about as it is extremely important to make the connection between love and truth. Truth is something which we have forgotten about, because of which we are where we are, almost at the verge of self-destruction of the entire human race. This could save you from the trouble. And by the way, “To all the sick lovers who lick the carpet for your girlfriends, “Grow up”- unknown”

Let me start with the Quote from approx. 2000 years ago said by a person called Jesus.

“Everyone on the side of truth listens to me”

I won’t tell you the same thing for I’m not Him nor am I worthy to be in His shoes nor worthy even to untie His sandal strap. But there is something important in this statement.

People who are only in the side of the truth listen to it. One who hates the truth does not have love in him. One who says that he loves, but no truth has no love at allAnd finally, one who has no love tries to destroy the truth, or anything/anyone that is claimed to be true. But truth does not depend on the mood of the day, or from which side of the bed you woke up, or even on the black cat that crossed the road when you got out of your house. Whether you are drunk or frustrated or even dead, the sun still rises in the east and sets in the west.

Many of the things that I am going to share here and in the coming posts are not much on the weight of emotions, even though emotions have a role in Love and relationship. It could be a bit rigid and firm but with a beauty of itself.

 There are many things that we do in our young days when our blood is hot and running wild. And there are many things of which we are not that proud off to be talked about in the public. Especially to do with sex, drugs, alcohol, or sometimes even smoking. We men enter into relationship and use women for their selfish gain and please our sexual drive. It could go from women’s magazines, pornographic, movies, chats, and even to the extent of intercourse. I know of my friend in my college who said was in love with one of my dear friend whom I considered my little sister. Well, soon after the college, the boy went his way breaking her innocent simple heart. Girls could get into relationship and so emotionally involved that finally, they would compromise their virginity in the surge of emotions and what to them looked like feeling of love till later. No sooner will the man does his thing, he shakes the dust of his shirt, and vanish from her life forever. One of my friends is a victim of such injustice. The life which she lives is hard, and she finds it difficult to move on. Adding to all these are many other family issues, emotional issues, and even mental/psychological issues. Finally, when we like a girl, we present our best before her, hiding all these under the carpet so that our image is not spoiled, and we will not lose the girl or the boy. The true life is no more in the air, but under a mask that fakes everything.

Truth will not bend or break, but can only be hidden. But here is the interesting thing about truth. Truth and History are always in love. They are so close to each other. History brings the truth out into light anyway. No matter how hard we try to hide things, it will all come to light one day, but that day would be more painful and destructive. If you testify and confess the truth yourself, it is well and good. It stays private and you will feel secure and not much people will know. And even if they know, at least they know that you are not faking yourself, which would gain you respect and honor. But if you allow the history to do it for you, it is more of an effect of you being forced to walk on the street full of people, completely naked or like history given a microphone and a loud speaker.

Here is the point. If the man is truthful, it is well and good for him. He doesn’t have to worry about a thing. He is respected and History shouts his fame across the pages. But when a man hides issues or certain truths, he better be very careful. History reveals the truth; it will be like a fish torn stuck in his throat for his entire life. It eats him up. Something similar happened to the Satyam system’s Ramalinga Raju and he finally he said “It was like riding a tiger, not knowing how to get off without being eaten.”. If you don’t know about the story, to read about it later, click here.

Lack a truth was never the issue. It was our hatred towards it because of our pride. Truth makes us Transparent and we feel weak. We feel we will be destroyed if we speak the truth. But here is the truth about the truth. Being truthful is amazing. It is glorious display courage when truth triumphs by your choice. It shows how strong you are from the inside. The more truthful you are, the less vulnerable you are to the voices against you. Bring truthful brings that being of selflessness. It humbles you. It keeps you safe and sound for the future. It gives you respect and honor. The ultimate result of being truthful and being on the side of truth is Freedom. Know the truth and ‘the truth’ shall set you free. 

Many of you must be thinking, “If I tell her/him the truth, “that will be it”. The relationship will be over”. I understand and respect that feeling, but the fact is this that it will happen anyway, and the truth will be out anyway, the question remains how and when you would like the truth to be revealed. The sooner, better it is for you and the other person. If your partner/would-be is leaving you for you being truthful, the relationship is not worth it. If he/she leaves you, you must enjoy, because you have better opportunity than the other person. One, who can’t stand truth, has no love either.

The reason why I mentioned about the mistakes/issue which we make and go through are not to condemn anyone, nor to judge what is right and what is wrong, even though objective morality exists, but to help you relax and let you know that these are real issues and nobody is an exception for such things in life. The only difference is in the degree to which we do what we  choose to do. There are ways in which we avoid these issues too, but as it is will divert from the topic, we won’t be discussing it here. I too have struggles and face difficulties. The interesting thing is that the other person, in my case a girl, will also have a story of her own to tell, about her difficulties, weakness, and mistakes. At that point, what I do with it is very important.

Truth as it is can many times be very destructive and offensive, as it is the character of the truth that it is exclusive and it disagrees with everything else but itself, without any compromise or feeling. Here is when grace makes the entry to the stage. Grace in expression is to relate with the person no matter who, to understand with patience no matter how long, to forgive no matter what, and to be with the person through it all no matter how. So when my would be (not girlfriend) of whom I know nothing about as of now, shares with me about her life, I better show her some respect and give her the grace to listen to her as she is showing immense about courage to tell the truth trusting me and hoping that I would be with her. So would be better for both of us, for her to respond the same way when I speak the truth about my life.

Dear reader, if you are a follower of Christ Jesus, you have the opportunity to get connected directly with the grace of the Only Living Working God. If you allow Jesus to transform you, you will be truthful in everything you do when you walk with Him and He transforms your heart from within. As I mentioned, being truthful shows the condition of the heart and how strong you are inside. Since Jesus is in your heart, you will be the strongest to proclaim the truth. And showing grace would be a piece of cake as Jesus is not just Truth in Person, but also Love in Person. Hold on tight, wait for more…

Absence of Girlfriends.. Presence of Love… The Intro

The Intro

Basically, the title is so because the writer is a man. It is chosen as revealed, and i took my time to think on it. After i was convinced about it, it was published. Why is it that Love and talks on love only heard in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and after marriage, nothing ? Is love restricted only in the presence of a girlfriend ?

The reason/inspiration for this article(s) is and will be hidden under the pages of stories of my life, where girls were hurt and had shed tears because of  me and my actions and the tears in my eyes out of the desperation to be loved and accepted. Yet again are the stories of my friends, girls and boys, who have hurt themselves, by beginning with the wrong choices in relationship, ending up with the realization of the wrong, and ultimately breaking up from it, with a release of  frustration, disappointment, hatred, sense of betrayal, injustice, and with a huge amount of emotional pain and hurts, scaring those memories into theirs souls which would remain in their lives as long as they live, unless Sovereign Intervention.

One of the words which I dearly hold onto in my life is “Restore”. This is what God through Jesus did in my life and is doing in my life in areas of my life and this is for which I would love to used for, by Him.  A closer related word to “Restore” is “Repair”. Let’s take the case of a building. It is always recommended, is in fact the  responsibility of the architect to build a firm foundation before the building itself. But places like in India, things doesn’t happen that way. Many of us bribe the architect so that the work picks up speed even though compromising on quality. And the result? One fine day everything falls down. Note that, it’s not only the builder or the people who are inside are affected, but the people around it too. The 9/11 attack on the Twin tower affected everybody, both in and out. It’s the same in relationships. Many times we might have started building on the wrong, unleveled, shaking foundations. But it’s better to re-do it before continuing with the building and before staying in it. If ignored, the end result would be disastrous and painful, both for you and for others. Please note that laying the foundations will take time, but it will be firm and its worth it.

Remain, Restore, or Reconstruct: Which one do you choose ?

At first, I thought that I could just write a long article and complete it, till realized that the topic is way huge to even be  completed in a ten thousand page book. So whatever I share is just a tip of the ice-berg and it will be in a series of 7 posts and the final post with conclusion. I’ll discover with you few main aspects of relationships and what Love is  and what Love is not. My prayer is that by the end of this article series, we will be able to evaluate our relationship(s) or the relationship(s) into which we are going to enter, and make the right choices. Don’t step into the house until you make sure that the foundation doesn’t shake or the roof doesn’t fall on you.

The following will be the topics.

1. Truth with Grace..
2. The Race in the Same Direction on the Same Track…
3. Motive behind the proposal…
4. The Unopened Gift Box
5. Beginning of Commitment with declaration…
6. Expression through Selflessness…
7. Explosion of Expression…

And finally the conclusion.

I’ll try to write on each in a gap of 1-3 days, as i have to wait and think as I have a responsibility at hand to the reader.

After all, you are responsible for your life and up to certain extend, the life of whom you are involved with.

ps: To the married people: If these articles speaks to you, well and good. Please don’t let anything break up the relationship you have your spouse. Once the choice is made, that’s it, no matter what differences or difficulties. But there is still grace which could restore and re-new the relationship. If you are one of them, I could try to help you get connected to my mentor or someone who can help you in a better way.

I ‘Love’ my car. . Or Do i ?

As i was coming to the office today, i was thinking on what should i write about. Then came the heading “I love Barbie dolls”. But i being a guy and not a being a big fan of Barbie, i customized the heading. Like they say, “Never judge  the Book by its cover” and I’d add this “never judge the blog by its title”.

It’s very usual that we hear statements like these. “I love my car”, “i love ice cream” or “i love my dog”. I asked my friend what is something that she loves to which she responded

“chocolatess!!!! yummmm”
me: “oh speaking of chocolates. my friend sent me chocolates from Netherlands”
she: “.. i envy you”

” Love have been used for everything that Tom, Dick, and Harry ‘made’, but themselves. Now you might think I’m too critical to write something like that. If you go to any western country you’ll see the pets cared for and being loved patted and taken care off where the family is separated and are divorced and don’t live together anymore. Unfortunately this shift is taking place in the East too, at an alarming rate. The place of human companionship is replaced by something else. Love is used out of context. Has love lost its meaning ?

But instead of dwelling on that I’d like to scribe something different which initially would not make look related, but later i hope and pray that you will see the dots connected.

The word is “Jealousy“. A fear or losing something or someone. A word which we rarely use, yet commonly expressed silently. A word which we consider so negative and wrong, but we do have the feeling which we don’t want to show to others. it is about a feeling like “you have something which I don’t have” or “you have something better than mine”. We see this in offices, schools, or in any sector may it be. In the schools in India, the life of a kid is tough. It is competition and the kids are under pressure. I sometimes feel there is this “I envy you” thing going on. There is a lot to talk on this, but in short “envy is the heart of  this type of jealousy”

Let’s take the life of Tim and Christina. Met each other in their college, was in relationship and after 1 year, got married. They are at the peak of passion for each other. Their honeymoon was great and so was the following 2-3 years. . It was like the glimpse of heaven in their house. The house was so lite up. They were with each other most of the time.  Of course, Tim started working and Christina didn’t continue with her career after their marriage. It’s been few years now after marriage. Tim got promotions and offers to go abroad. He started being away from home for a week or a couple, or sometimes even a month. The relationship started being a bit shaky because of less communication and time together. Romance sort of died out and this went for sometime. Their life started becoming dry. But Tim was working hard and he still loved his wife so dearly and passionately, yet didn’t find time or make time to be with her or  express to her. After sometime he came to know that his wife is having an affair with another man, and they meet when he was is away. He was angry and frustrated, disappointed, and jealous. It was an explosion. Since then they were going for each other’s neck and finally they said, “It’s over”

To be honest, i wouldn’t being jealous for the reason for being unfaithful is wrong. It is natural out of the experience of betrayal. But the question is what are we going to do about that feeling. This is just another story among thousands of stories which we hear every now and then. Either the husband or the wife, entering into a relationship outside the marriage, and when exposed, things go real bad, and there are even stories of being murdered of being unfaithful.

Isn’t it so interesting that we are so self-destructive ? Jealousy has a real bad effect on out life.

This is my point.

Jealousy out of the love for anything is destructive because it is out of envy. People kill each other for money and fame, simply because they ‘love’ more than the person. It could also be some feelings or pleasures or beauty, but the person herself.

Jealousy in a relationship could also be destructive. But it is because the ego is hurt. It is betrayal and the self is so hurt and we feel so rejected, disappointed, and angry  It leads to destroying each other.

In both the cases, jealousy is a response to “injustice/unfairness to self” and it becomes destructive to other person.

Let me introduce you to a different jealousy…

Jealousy of God

As interesting as it is, The Holy Bible mentions about two angles of Jealousy, one of God, and the other of man . Let me quote a scripture here, because I feel that it’s important so that the point is clearly understood.

“You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.    – Exodus 20:4-6

Here is God who is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. He is a compassionate Father who wants His children to have the best. He is so jealous for us when we go away from Him, because He knows that we destroy ourselves when we are away from His love. He just comes after us again and again to give us help so that we don’t be lost for ever. His jealousy is out of concern. So this Jealous God came down by the name of Jesus Christ. At the cross of Jesus Christ, His jealousy was revealed by sacrificing Himself saying “I Love You. You are Forgiven”. God is asking for that relationship that will turn good for us.

Person who loves things destroys the person who has more.

Person who loves another person destroys the other person for the hurt and rejection, at the time of compromise or unfaithfulness.

God’s love for the people sacrifices Himself so that we can be loved, forgiven, redeemed and restored.

Here is the application, till we receive this sacrificial love of God and express it to others, there will be wars. There will be terrorism. There will be murders n’ rapes.

Receive this Love, Save this Planet

*Thanks to Tim Keller whose message “Jealousy of God” help me to have a deeper understanding of the Love of God expressed in His Jealousy, and inspire me to write this.

The Grand Painting

Grand Painting

Take a good look at the pictures shown above, and see what they speak to you. Take 2 minutes of your life just to think on this. I’m sure that we spend more time on TV or on Facebook. What does it tell you?

I‘d like to take you through these three pictures one by one. I can assure you that it will encourage you and help you to look at your life in a very different perspective, with a bird’s view.

When we look at the first picture shown above what do we see? Is it a complete picture of a landscape or of a person or of “The Mona Lisa”? Or is it just Grey Pixel. For many of us, this is life. So monotonous and boring; just living life as it comes, no happiness or enjoyment, and ultimately, it makes no sense at all. Things happening in life don’t add up. There is no explanation for what’s going on,  the situations and circumstances, in our life. And the questions we seek and search in our life stand still, are unanswered, and are hidden. Finally we conclude, “my life is nothing”, “I’m nobody”, “I’m not important”, “my existence really doesn’t matter to anyone”, “what do you care?” or to the extreme “I quit”.

Moving on to the next picture, some of us are just living life, almost similar to the first one, but it does make sense to an extent. We live our life striving and achieving, climbing the ladder of success, one after another, not really bothered about what our life has to offer ultimately. We live a life in pursuit, trying to paint the picture of our life with our own color, but the only problem is; we don’t want other colors or we ignore them. We are not concerned about others or their well-being. We have a target or a goal, and we will do anything in our power and strength to reach it, even if it means violating or using our colleague or friend. Here too our life is monotonous, doing the same thing again and again every day. Yet we still continue doing it so that we strive to complete the picture. And we finally conclude “well, I’ve made enough money and fame, now at least my children can enjoy what I didn’t have”, “I’m in control of my life. I need no one’s help”, “I don’t care about you”, “this is my life”, or sometimes give up saying “I quit”.

The next set of people is “happy people”, as shown in the third picture. We are the most fun people to go out with. Our lives are all colors – disco, women, party, sex, happiness, adventure, drugs, sports, arts, drinking, smoking, chaos, and what not. We are the best in our gifts and talents, the “Top Notch”. We enjoy our lives to the fullest, with experiences (according to us). We live a life KING SIZE, not compromising anything. Because we are the fun people, people are attracted to us, and we have even more fun, yet ignoring the huge black area that surrounds the colorful area of our life. It still remains colorless, unexplained, unused, and wasted. With all the adventures, activities, and fun that goes on, we don’t think of one thing, “Life in itself”. We don’t have any clue of why we do what we do. Sometimes when we are alone, we sit back and feel so alone; all of a sudden, life doesn’t make any sense at all. All the glorious times and enjoyment have disappeared. It just doesn’t make sense. Ravi Zacharias puts it nicely “The loneliest moment in life is when you have just experienced that which you thought would deliver the ultimate, and it has just let you down”. And we conclude, “I’ve everything in my life”, “I don’t believe in God”, “I feel so empty”, “enjoy your life”, “life is short, enjoy the fullest” or to the other end “I have everything in my life, but still there is no peace”, “life sucks”, or “it just doesn’t make sense”. And many of us have and had tragic endings.

I‘d like to introduce another picture. I hope you would like it.

The interesting thing about this picture is that it not only looks colorful but it also makes sense. It’s the effort of an artist to capture the beauty and splendor of nature on a flat plain. However, we cannot comprehend the experience and the feeling of the artist unless we meet him face to face or unless he talks about it. A Good picture says a lot about the mindset and heart of the artist. More beautiful the picture, better is the capability of the artist to express what he saw or what his mind have conceived .

There is a set of people in this World, whose lives are like this picture. Their life is colorful, yet meaningful; nothing in excess. Everything that happens in their life has a meaning to it. It makes sense to them. It is more like they know their importance and their identity in the picture as a whole. Bad situations inevitably arise. But they find their firm ground on the meaning of life. The Artist of their life and picture is GOD.

As a person, their life individually might not make complete sense; it might only look like a few shades, but it makes sense when they connect it to the heart of the Artist. Everything makes sense in His hands. They are the colors. The Situations, circumstances, and difficulties which they go through are the brushes that He uses. Time in history are the stages in which He completes and reveals the picture, the Grand Masterpiece. In His way of doing things, nothing is outside meaning or sense. He is in complete control of what He is doing in and through those who allow themselves to be used to fit in the Grand Picture. In His view, the most difficult situations, and even death, have a meaning. As shown in this picture, the Artist pushes the Picture to perfection by getting very much involved in the making, so much so that the paint is on His hand and body. There is always a cost to pay. This Artist is known by the Only Name that is above all other names, JESUS CHRIST. He is the Artist.

I am one among these people who is a small part, yet important and significant when I seek after the heart of the Artist who uses me to paint His Grand Picture. I’m proud to be a part of it. You can be too. It’s just a matter of willingness and desire for something better and sensible.

With love,

A Color.


The Problem of Loneliness

Even though i got the heading typed in last week, i didn’t take time to scribe what i had in mind. Finally, here it is…

In my early school years, I remember walking through the school grounds on the way to school, looking down, yet blurry in my vision because of the tears in my eyes, which I refused to let roll out of eyes, and talking to myself, and most importantly, alone. I again remember the times i used to spend my time on vacations at home with my cousins and with my brothers, still in my own world, fighting my own battles from within. From those days, it still haunted me all the way through college and it became worse. I started doing everything of my own. Less are the days i remember going out with friends, and many times physically with them,  but my soul was somewhere. By the end of the college i became a person who hated myself, who hates my picture, and who believed that “i was born to suffer, alone”. As the years passed things changed, I would add “Drastically changed”. To something better. I pray and i hope that whatever i write, relates to our normal life, and speaks to your life and me too.

One way to explain  loneliness would be, being locked up in a solitary confinement  for a very long time, without much ray of light or hope, and being unable to get out because you are locked from outside, so much so that you start believing that this is all there is to life, and you get so used to the confined system that you force yourself to satisfy yourself, even though the inner self yearns for freedom. Freedom looks like a distant dream. All what you hear around is nothing, but silence which would seem like it would also                          have a tone and a rhythm to it. 

something(someone)’s missing… I find this phrase very apt to the meaning of loneliness. I struggled with this, for long years in my early young years, now that you know that I’m still young. In my earlier blog, I’d explained about the lack of love I felt in my growing up years. Loneliness was another close friend of mine. Was i lacking love or someone who can loveDid I just want a person or did I just want a feeling of love? NO! I needed both…. I needed both… As I found none to give that love, I found myself alone, desperate, sometimes frustrated and angry at self, and looking to the heavens asking “WHY?”. As I became sexually active, I started looking out for that someone, yet in the expression of desperation, my proposals were not the best in

expression I would say, I was not myself, I was nobody. It was all rejected or ignored. That dragged me even deeper into difficult times ahead. More time alone, more time pleasing myself, more time, crying in silence. Nobody knew, nobody knew, even though my mother knew that something was not right, that was all there was which I would let her know. By the early days of 2007, I became the most silent, isolated person who could never look a woman in her eye without an immoral, sexual thought going in my head. I didn’t struggle against it even though it was wrong. At least in that way I pleased myself, not realizing that I was destroying myself. I wouldn’t say that I was the best to tackle with loneliness. Yet as years passed by, I started seeing another side of loneliness.

Attention.. The times alone tweaked and twisted my thinking and perspectives through which i looked at my life and at situations around me. Same with anyone. Loneliness has a lot to do with negative emotions and frustrations which poison the mind and make the heart wicked. In that pursuit of being accepted and being someone, we see doing things completely out of the ordinary. Bullies in schools and colleges are a result of this. Rejection at home or loneliness which is hunting him/her. It is the negative extrovert response to fight and to make sure that he/she is not alone. Sometimes we put ornaments or makeups or piercing or even to the extend of allowing others to  violate their bodies/privacy. But when we draw ourselves from the crowd and become alone, we will feel emptiness and we still feel something is missing and we try to figure it out in our loneliness like written above, like a cycle.

As i was writing this blog, i came across the lyrics of a song of which i shall leave the artist unnamed

What the h* am I doing? Is there anyone left in my life?
What the f* was I thinking? Anybody want to tell me I’m fine?
Where the h* am I going? Do I even need a reason to hide?
I am only betrayed! I am only conditioned to die!

All this kind of music, stirs the pain and struggle again and makes it worse than giving a remedy.

In my life along the way, I started being involved in disgusting sexual chat sessions and nude materials. i started doing different things, different styles,attitudes, or even movements to receive attention, ultimately trying to find a remedy to loneliness. Facebook or even this blog could be one, but in the darkest times of my life, the Brightest Light shined and Screamed into my life with intensity overthrowing darkness and even death. That LIGHT helped me and it is because of Which, because of Whom I’m able to share with you even my difficulties and struggles boldly and confess “THERE IS A HOPE”.

The loneliest moment in life is when you have just experienced that which you thought would deliver the ultimate, and it has just let you down. – Ravi Zacharias.

This very much stays true in my life when i look back. Very often I quote Ravi for many times what he speaks relate with many parts of my life. In his book from “Walking from East to West“, he shares the personal struggles which he went through and the rescue plan in his life by Someone.

Life as we know it, is temporary. So is everything else around us. At some point of time, either it leaves us or we go leaving it behind. In this small time, do we have to struggle with loneliness and seek attention anymore, when there is Someone with whom we will NEVER BE ALONE, not only for this life, but for the life after, for all eternity. I don’t know what you think about GOD or what have others told you about Him. He is real in my life. He started working in my life evidently and visibly in the last few years. And when i look back i see that He was preparing me through all the difficult times i went through for something better, for something greater. Jesus who was and is God came to earth 2000 years ago in bodily form, lived as a human, went through the experiences of all the experiences in its highest intensity and finally did died the most cruel and bloody death in the entire human history. He knew what was it to be left alone in pain and suffering. And on the third day HE ROSE AGAIN from the grave, CONQUERING EVERYTHING NEGATIVE, even DEATH. HE was saying that  I AM WITH YOU FOREVER, EVEN DEATH CANNOT SEPARATE US. This crazy God who is full of love, changed my life for ever. 

My dear Friend, Jesus says “I will never leave you nor forsake you. . . And I will NOT leave you as orphans”. The things that i did and on which I tried to find comfort passed away. Whether may it be relationship, materials, comfort, property, or even my very body. But in a strong healthy family one thing always remains, no matter what. RELATIONSHIP. Yet even that is temporary in today’s world, except with One person. Jesus Christ. He loves you so much that He died for you and came back to life so that He can be in a relationship with you making sure that You are NEVER ALONE….

The more i spend time alone with God, the more I realize that I am NEVER alone. So kicks out the necessity of anything else, so excludes the necessity of drawing attention, so renews to capacity and ability to be yourself where ever you are.

ONLY WHEN WE LOOK TO GOD AND THROUGH GOD, OUR LIFE WITH SUFFERINGS WILL MAKES SENSE !

Yours
Love

LOVE ?! Why on earth is that ??

The Word LOVE, have become the MOST commonly used language in the 21st century. As we look around, we see either the word, or the expression or a result of it or the lack of it . Whether it is Music, Movies, Paintings, News, Entertainment, Advertisements, Family, Spiritual Teachings, Internet, and lot more…

But I wonder if Love has lost it’s meaning and the intensity of the expression of it as the days go by. The inspiration for me to write this article is from one of my friends when she said “I don’t want to be in a relationship. Because in relationship there is either controlling or insane “. This is my response to it.

It’s so common to hear the statements  “I’m in Love”, “I’m in relationship”, “it’s magic” on the other end, “it’s Over”, “I Quit”, “We Broke-up “, “I was married, but now divorced..” and so on. In the yesterdays, relationships used to break down too, but was more private and secretive.. Well, not anymore. In fact, there is more broken relationships in public, than ever in history.

Now, do i have authority to speak on this subject ? Well, i really don’t know, but i had enough experience in my plate to go through starting from family (not in my marriage life. cuz i ain’t), to friendship, to relationship.

In my experience since late 2011, Love has been a wonderful thing to me. And it blew my mind whenever i experienced it. I Believe in God and I believe that He is the source of everything, Especially LOVE. So the commonly used phrase “GOD IS LOVE” yet “LOVE is NOT GOD”.

I believe the best way of identifying the lies is by knowing and by being convinced of what [who] is the truth. And when we talk about Absolutes like Truth, we need a Being who is Absolute in Himself, in Whom the truth is based, from Whom it flows, and by Whom it is defined and expressed.

I could never get a better definition of LOVE than from the Word of God, Himself (in person).

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails… [1 Corinthians 13:4-8]

Just pause here for a couple of minutes and think think about it. The more we think about it, the more we realize the depth of the statement. And what more, it says something about the heart from Whom these Words came from.

If my father draws a line and tells me to walk only on it by forcing me, i wouldn’t call it Love, i would call it controlling, which makes me Frustrating and Angry and my response, Repulsive. BUT, if he draws the line and tell me, “my dear son, I love you, and I’ve drawn this line for you out of love. i recommend you walk in it for it’s betterfor you and for your own safety[law]. yet still, even of you go out of the line and when you realize that you’ve taken the wrong path, just look to me and i’ll bring you back to the line so that you can be back on the safe path again[GRACE], for i want you to be safe because i’m your Father”.

Even in a (marital) relationship, with a man and a woman, Love does not control, but frees. If there is control, then something is wrong. Control is a result of a lack of something within, may it be insecurity, lack of identity or even love itself. Of course there are more reasons. That’s why i always question myself before i feel like getting into a relationship “Why do i want to be in a relationship in the first place?”, “What is my intention?”. Because in relationship, it’s not about just me, it’s about the other..

One evening as i was walking and talking with my close friend through the streets of Chennai, and the topic was relationship. And i said “i think i need to reason carefully before i get into a relationship. This is my learning from the past.” and he said “Dude, that’s what love is all about. You don’t reason. You are just in it.” to which i maintained silence. Reason ? Because he is “just in it“. There is no point in reasoning further..

I’m sure this is the exact thought that is going through thousands of youngsters, of which i was one. I felt the same, compromising my convictions, values, and the truth that i knew is/was true, and giving way to feelings and emotions. One of the famous thinkers of our time Dr. Ravi Zacharias would agree with this “A mood can be a dangerous state of mind, because it can crush reason under the weight of feeling.[ taken from Ravi’s book, “Jesus Among Other Gods”] again he says We are fashioned by God to be thinking and emotional creatures. The emotions should follow reason, and not the other way around.[ taken from Ravi’s book, “Beyond Opinion”]. I believe it is so true, and it had been true in my life, especially in the last 4 years.

I would personally believe that few main reasons for difficulties in relationships are “Entering into a Relationship on the weight of emotions and blissful romance”,  “Lack of Commitment”, “Lack of Communication/expression”.

For a man, the beauty of the woman, captures and draws his attention, and he does whatever he could to “rescue the beauty“. This is natural, and if this doesn’t happen, he needs a doctor. But in this pursuit, he pushes the thoughts and values that goes against his feeling and desire, aside and make his entry to her life in marriage. As the days goes by he will start seeing her as she is and in reality. No one wears makeup before going to bed, except in movies and in advertisements. So will she starts seeing him more closely. Soon will they realize that they are not as easy to get along with as they thought. Both are different. And finally they breakup, involving lot of hurt, pain, and excessive pain leading to numbness to emotions. And then they end up reasoning “what went wrong in the first place ?” and to another extend “Where are you God? Why did You allow this ?”.

No wonder, thousands of youngsters like me goes through “Love failure” experiences. I’ve learned the lesson the hard way. Start thinking.. If there is someone whom you can step into a relationship without much reasoning, that is GOD, through the person of Jesus Christ. Yet, GOD encourages us to reason even in that relationship. God didn’t create our mind for fun, but to use it.

To my dear friends who has already gone through such experiences or is going through the same, there is One and only One remedy available to mankind. Jesus Christ. He died so that we will live, our mistakes will be undone, our pains and hurts will be healed, our failures will turn into glory and for the Good.

I just thank God for where He has brought me to. I worship God at River of Destiny City Church, Chennai. This is a place for the broken, rejected, abused, used, failed, and the dead. Yet it’s not about the Church, it’s about WHOM we profess.

With Love

Yours

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